She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
