i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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