It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
