i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
