Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize