the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
All I want is dick and wine.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
