so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
