Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
