Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I have post one night stand depression
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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