so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
