I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
