allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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