I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
