How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
