She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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