maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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