i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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