She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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