Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
