Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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