You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
