I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
