your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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