I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize