My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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