the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
