I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
