What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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