Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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