Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
