I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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