yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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