Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I intend to get homeless drunk
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
