Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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