You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
