I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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