dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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