Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
