God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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