Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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