Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was CRYING into my vagina
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
