god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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