dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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