I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
