Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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