I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
