It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
