I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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