did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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