I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
