dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
