This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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