Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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