Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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