So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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