dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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