u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
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I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
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She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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