we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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